I’m from the government and I’m here to inspect your chicken nuggets.

The new digs are excellent. It is so good to be back “home” at UITS.

I can’t recall the last time I’ve been bubbly and friendly like I am lately (actually I can but it’s been about 6 years and that’s scary to admit). Although I still have the moments when I have to turn around so people can’t see the face I’m making at them.

I have jury duty soon. I’m trying to think of it as a good day of playing my DS and responding to email.

I seriously recommend watching 30 Rock because it’s pretty much amazing. Netflix released the beta client for Intel based Macs and it is so bad ass. I am a very happy panda about it.

And with that I’m off to watch 30 Rock and hang with the wiener children. Ciao!

Clean Getaway

I started back at UITS (formerly known as CCIT) today. It’s good to be back.

I went to Show Low last weekend. I took myself out for a nice dinner, drove up to Greer to see where we spread my Grandpa’s ashes 12 years ago, drove around on some forest roads, crocheted a bunch and cleared my head a bit. There’s pictures up on the gallery.

I finally after spending hours and hours of messing with software and themes, found a gallery software that I don’t hate. So if you feel like checking it out it’s here: http://nightbirdflying.com/jalbum I actually like it. Which is crazy because I’ve spent 2 years hating zenphoto and menalto gallery. So yeah…if you’re looking try JAlbum, it’s client based and you upload the html it creates to your web server or what not. No apps to install which is happy because I hate terminals. Suggestions and comments are welcomed.

You get what you settle for.

Sometimes I watch my dogs to make sure they’re still breathing.

Their stillness while sleeping is sometimes daunting.

I read a good line in a poem tonight:

I wish I had a roof over my bed
to pull down on my head when I feel damned
by wanting you so much it looks like need.

It comes from Untitled by Marilyn Hacker.

I am searching for a higher power. Suggestions are welcomed.

When it don’t come easy.

Some days are easier than others.

Some days you wake up early and get a fantastic job offer a few hours later.

Some days you learn that the person you loved, the person you poured every ounce of yourself into for so long put your feelings on display for his poker buddies.

Some days the stupid mistake you made in college is 10000 miles long on a broken leg.

Some days you cry so hard your ribs hurt. Your coworkers will ask you tomorrow if you are hungover.

There are the mornings of 3 dogs leaving a blanket in the closet. Single file. And you laugh the whole day for it.

There are the nights when you clutch your chest. The nights when you never knew you could hurt so bad. When you come to your knees staring in the mirror wondering how you got so lost.

Faith and belief make the world go round. No matter where you put your belief. Science, nothingness, Allah, Karma. If you believe that life is a chain of random events then it is. If you believe there is a reason to them, you have a destiny. Don’t underestimate its worth and necessity or your own reliance upon it.

“With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”

Hotel Paper

It occurred to me today that I am not something enough to define myself as anything.

I have started classes again, working towards pre-med. I have started working 1/2 time in a lab as a reasearch assistant. I still have trouble seeing myself as scholarly enough to be a doctor.

I maintain a gaggle of servers. I do desktop support. I tweak code on my websites. I play video games. I still have trouble seeing myself as a computer nerd.

I will be so solid for a few months and suddenly I will trip all over my own feet. I will fall and not know how to pick up the pieces. Or at least what order to pick them up in. Or maybe I should just start a new puzzle.

I am running on fumes and so very confused.

I let myself down then I beam myself up

I heard that a couple people out there still read this thing.

So I “made” a new template and went back to the old name. Because it’s true. I’m staying…again.

Going back to school for a couple years to do pre-reqs for what could be an MD or something…

I swear I’ll update my photos here soon too although I haven’t taken too many interesting ones lately.

I’ve been working on remodeling my house for the last couple months and I’ll try to post pics of that too. I finished my kitchen last week, my downstairs bathroom is thisclose to being done and the upstairs is definitely in progress (though it has been for a month…). Being a weekend warrior is the suck. There is never enough time.

Pardon the tacky border but it’s the only copy I have and it wasn’t my doing. The little red head on the left is my new Wiener Archie. He’s a puppy mill rescue and was there for a couple years. He’s ridiculously skittish but he’s getting braver every day. He even comes out from behind the sofa when guests are over now.

I’ll try to knock off the blog neglect but I’ve been busy and my job has basically killed my will to do anything computer related besides listen to music once I get home. Hope all is well for the 3 people that probably still read this thing

Ciao!

Engrish.

Well I’m in Japan. I’m really just posting here to say I put up pictures. They’re in my gallery.

Hope everyone has a happy new year!

Sayonara!

A lifetime in heat

Well it’s Friday in Amsterdam, but I figure it’s still Thanksgiving in the states.

Today I am thankful for:

My Mom and Dad

SIM cards

Enjoying my Thanksgiving shawerma sandwich in a cafe, speaking Arabic to an Iraqi. Ana jameela jiddan al yom.

Sex shops and croissanteries

Cows in the middle of roads

Boys with red hair

Wandering a strange city alone

The lighting in my hotel room

My wiener dog

Sillelak, Synapsis and UnRogers

Real hot water heaters and mattresses

Frisky Dingo

The internets

Angelo

Sleep

Soft scarfs

Thanks to nice blankets, South Park and radiant heat, I’ll be passing out quite shortly.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

The day I can’t lift you, is the day I don’t lift the phone to call you…

Well I’m in my hotel in Amsterdam. It’s 9:15 AM and apparently NOTHING near Centraal Station is open unless you want a pastry. Well let’s just say I want something and it starts with a P as well but it’s not a pastry.

I also found an H&M about 1/2 kilo from my hotel, but it’s not open til 10 either. I need a hat and mittens. I saw my breath this morning for the first time since February.

British Airways lost my bag yesterday. They say it was in London. I get the feeling, since it took them 14 hours to deliver it, that it was actually still in Delhi.  It didn’t really matter because I got into my hotel and laid down to take a “nap” at around 2pm. I woke up at 5am this morning…Apparently I needed some sleep. The breakfast at the Molly Malone’s pub next door was quite tasty, but seriously, who only serves grapefruit juice? Do they do it because they know no one will drink it?

My trip to India was incredible. I would suggest looking through my gallery to see what I was up to since I really don’t feel like typing it out. I went to a 4 day wedding and did a bunch of shopping. I met (and stayed with) Inderjit’s (aka Gandhi) family who were all wonderful and extremely hospitable. His brother had a dog named Coco who was like Neo’s shorthaired, female Indian counterpart. It was like having a dog away from dog.

The wedding was exhausting, I can’t imagine how the bride and groom must have felt if I was that tired as a guest. The wedding also must have been astronomically expensive. There was a full open bar, at least 1 meal (usually 2) with hors d’oeuvre, dessert, full waitstaff and a couple hundred guests at each function. I got mehndi done on my hands at the 2nd function. It’s said that if it gets very dark that your mother in law will love you. Another group of people told me the darker it gets the sooner you’ll get married. I asked how to wash it off. Mine came out quite dark.

I also made the mistake of drinking a fountain soda at McDonalds and got some loooovely Delhi Belly. Despite throwing up in a much dirtier one of these on the side of the road on the way to Agra a couple different times and a teary phone call home (sometimes you just need your Mommy), I managed to suck it up and walk around the Taj Mahal. I stayed in the car for most of the rest of the trip because well, after only managing to keep down 1 piece of toast in 20 hours, I wasn’t exactly feeling energetic.

The traffic in Delhi alone is amazing to see. I’ve never heard more people honk their effing horns more times. Apparently if you don’t honk approximately every 17 seconds you’re violating Indian law. Traffic lights, stop signs, dogs, lane lines, pedestrians and speed limits mean nothing. However, if you see a cow, even if you’re not Hindu, it must be avoided at all costs. And even in the center of town there are cows scratching themselves on the much ignored roadsigns. Camels and monkeys seem to have half a brain to not wander out into traffic although most grown men do not.

I got the best manicure and pedicure of my life in India. For 10 USD I got the best foot rub of my life. I seriously considered trying to bring the guy back to America with me.

Anywho, it’s now 10am and I believe at least one of my stores will be open I’ll write a Thanksgiving blog later in the day.

Ciao!

Eyes Wide Shut

My good family friend Angelo died last week after a long struggle with cancer.

I watched my Grandfathers die. I was rubbing my Pop Pop’s feet as his heart stopped. I have never watched a friend die. I have not come to terms. I have never felt anything quite like this.

It will never be the same without you, Goof. Ciao Ang. I love you.

After I carried my own groceries from Safeway to my car and my car to my fridge, I stood in my kitchen waiting for my toast to pop up.

I am a big girl. I can carry my own groceries. You asked if I needed help. I don’t need anything, thank you.

I am not quiet because I am eating a PB&J sandwich. I am not quiet because I am processing death. I am quiet because I am realizing. I’ve got way better things going on than to do this. No milk will ever be our milk. Perhaps international travel will give me a bit of clarity.

I updated my gallery. I updated all 11 months. Especially August, September, October and November. I got myself a Canon Digital Rebel XTI so I’ve been taking way more pics than my hard drive would like.

I’ll be leaving for India next week, if my Visa makes it in time. I’ll also be in Amsterdam for a couple days. So expect a ton of pictures.